The Silence Between Us
by Dean Ocean
Summary: Sometimes it's what is never said that speaks the loudest. Sirius makes a horrifying confession and finds that in his darkest hour the man with the biggest secret of all, is a beacon of light. Marauders Era. WARNING: Slash and blatant abuse of it.


**The Silence Between Us**

**Part I: Confessions.**

James and Sirius sat on a couch in the small apartment James and Lily shared. They were both staring pointlessly at a picture of a fluffy kitten throwing about a ball of string. Either man had a bottle of beer in their hands and they alternated who drank from their respective drinks.

"We haven't done this in a while." James said, chasing his words with a swig of his beer.

"What? Sit and stare at a kitten? Why did Lily buy this thing anyway?" Sirius followed James's lead and took a drink of his beer.

"Because you destroyed the last one." James said matter of factly, once again taking a drink.

"It looked at me funny."

"It was a painting of a park."

"Oh." Sirius only vaguely remembered destroying the painting. That had been a darker time a few months ago, he'd felt himself lost and abandoned. He'd drink abundant amounts of alcohol and fly into fits of rage. James and Lily had been patient with him, both sensing Sirius would explain himself, or snap out of it when he was ready.

James had made note that Sirius's violent episodes diminished when Remus appeared back in town, but he never said anything. When he thought too long on it he felt jealous of Remus, felt that Remus would steal away his best friend. James glanced at Sirius, peering at him through the lenses of his glasses and then went back to staring at the kitten.

"Still," Sirius offered. "This is probably more interesting than a park."

James nodded. "Yes, probably." He took another drink of his beer.

There was a prolonged silence, both seemed to settle comfortably into it. They had been friends a long time, and now in their twenties with James married, and Sirius holding onto his seemingly never ending bachelor hood they both felt time pressing in on them. Sirius toyed with the label on his bottle.

"Here's the thing, James." Sirius said suddenly. "I think I'm gay."

James, who was in the middle of taking another drink, paused. He felt the beer back up in his throat and tried very hard to avoid choking on it and spitting it back out. James froze, he wasn't sure what to say or do. He slid his eyes over to look at Sirius. Sirius had his head down and was fiddling with the wrapper on his bottle that he was slowly picking apart. Slowly he set his bottle down, nestling it between his legs. He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Err, well…Jesus, Sirius."

Sirius still didn't look at him, he busied his hands with the wrapper which was flaking off bit by bit. He kept his dark eyes down, staring pointlessly at the open mouth of the bottle.

"How do you know?" James asked, and immediately felt like an idiot for it. His cheeks colored horribly.

"Well I've been seeing someone, sort of. And it's …well I think it's pretty serious. "See, I think I love him." Sirius lifted his head and finally met James's eyes.

James was surprised to see fear in Sirius's face. James had never known Sirius to be afraid of anything, he'd always boldly been the first one to do anything. He seemed to rush headfirst into danger and not bother to stop and think about it. Until that moment looking at Sirius's face, James had thought the man completely fearless, though somewhat senseless. James took a deep breath, and exhaled it slowly.

"That's heavy, Sirius." He said finally, turning to look at the kitten again. He couldn't stand what he saw in Sirius's face.

"I know." Came a muttered reply. "I've never actually said it before…to any one."

"Well you had to say it to the guy you're seeing, right?"

"No. I never have actually said the words aloud before. I'm gay." Sirius wasn't comfortable even having said them just than. They felt like acid on his tongue, and his stomach was in a thousand knots, he swallowed hard to keep from throwing up.

James took the last three swallows of his beer all at once. When finished he let out a long sigh, which was followed directly by a less than gentlemanly belch. "Well, I guess this puts an end to bird watching at the pubs."

"You're married, James. Lily would skin you alive if she caught you checking out other birds in the pubs." Sirius made a valid point.

James nodded. "You're right." He reached across the space between them and tousled Sirius's long black hair, which successfully put it into horrible knots. "Stop pouting like a little kid, I'm not going to beat you up."

Sirius looked at James a moment, his face blank. He than let a crocked grin spread across his features. "You couldn't even if you wanted to."

"Could so." James insisted, reaching forward to set his empty bottle on the coffee table.

"Bullocks." Sirius replied.

"I beat you that one time-"

Sirius cut James off by holding up his hand. "Doesn't count. You knocked my block off with a Quaffle first."

"That counts!" James protested.

"Does not."

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

**Part II: Promises in the Dark**

Remus burst through the door on the tiny apartment he shared with a smile on his face. He threw aside the canvas bag he'd been lugging around the streets with him during the day and shrugged out of the thick coat he'd draped around his narrow body to keep him warm in the unpredictable spring weather. He stamped his boots several times on the tiny linoleum space in front of the door before stepping onto the warn carpet.

"Sirius?" He called as he hurried into the living room. He found Sirius sitting on the couch. He reached over the back of it, pressing his hands to either of Sirius's square shoulders. "Sirius you won't believe it! I've had a revelation!"

Sirius didn't move for a moment, even after Remus touched him he was perfectly still. He turned slowly to peer at the man behind him. His face was torn, there wear tearstains on his pale cheeks that turned them red and blotchy. Remus's eyes widened at the sight of Sirius, he quickly came around the edge of the well-used couch to sit along side of him. Tender fingers reached out and touched Sirius's face, running his thumbs over the surface of his cheeks.

"Sirius, what …?" He let his voice trail off, he wasn't sure what to ask. If something was wrong, or if something had happened, or to brace himself for another violent mood swing.

"I told James. About me." Sirius choked on the words and almost didn't manage to squeeze them out of his throat.

"Oh…" Remus dropped his hands to his lap and thought for a moment on the weight of that statement. Sirius had been hiding in some kind of warped closet for what seemed an eternity. "How did he take it?"

"I think he's okay with it." Sirius glanced down to his hands, which sat uselessly in his lap.

"Than why are you so upset?" Remus wrinkled his brow and leaned in closer to try and see if there was more to Sirius's face as he tucked it from view.

"I'm not upset. I'm relieved."

Remus leaned forward and kissed Sirius's cheek. It was unusual to see Sirius as emotional, at least not when screaming and flying objects weren't involved. Remus could feel a knot ease in Sirius's shoulders, and when he pulled the other man closer, Sirius didn't feel as heavy, as weighted. He got Sirius to lean against him, and both arms closed around Sirius's body holding him close. Remus wasn't aware it was happening till his back was pressed against the arm of the couch and he was tilted awkwardly away from himself. He shifted his legs, stretching them out away from him so his spine was not bent at a strange angle, just in time to feel Sirius's weight settled between his thighs.

"Sirius…" Remus muttered intending to ask a question but was silenced by Sirius's tongue in his mouth. He gave into the kiss because it was sweet, and though it tasted vaguely of alcohol the flavor that Sirius carried distinctly, out weighted it.

Sirius drug his hand over Remus's body bringing it up to clutch at Remus's wrist and pull the man's arm over his head. Sirius's heavily callused fingers slid between Remus's and he pressed his palm to the other man's, holding tightly to his hand. Sirius's tongue pushed further into Remus's mouth and he had no choice but to give in to it. Sirius's weight on his body was heaven, he could feel every move Sirius made, the way he shifted, and ground his groin against Remus's. It was intoxicating.

Sirius pulled away from Remus's mouth and slid his tongue over the man's neck and down to his chest, kissing where the shirt collar ended. He planted kisses down Remus's chest, over the cloth and bent himself to place a hand on Remus's groin. Remus groaned, and arched his hips into Sirius. Sirius used both hands, reluctantly tearing his other hand away from Remus's, to undo Remus's pants, and pulled open the fly. The zipper slid away easily and left Remus's underwear exposed. It did not take Sirius long to push Remus's pants and underwear down, the trousers bunched around Remus's knees leaving his stiff member entirely exposed.

Sirius glanced up at Remus, who was staring down at him, his mouth open. Sirius grinned, letting the characteristic look slide across his face, casual and mischievous. He lowered his mouth to Remus's member and slowly slid his tongue down the sensitive underside. Remus seized his hips arching and his mouth sucking in a breath of hissing air. Sirius felt Remus's fingers run through his dark hair, pulling on the long strands and than settling on the back of his skull. Slowly he lowered his mouth over the head of Remus's groin, his tongue pushing along the crease in the opening. Sirius slowly pulled his mouth back, and pushed it down again, as he did so he heard Remus struggle to contain a moan. He could feel the man panting beneath him, Remus's nails dug into his skull as he moved his head up and down.

Remus curled forward sitting more up right, he whimpered, and used his hands to press Sirius's head closer to his body. "Don't stop…" Remus begged.

The moment he spoke Sirius pulled his mouth away, Remus found his lips trembling as the pleasure was taken from him so close to absolute comfort. They were forced to stop when Sirius kissed him again, once more putting his weight down between Remus's spread thighs. Sirius drew away from the kiss and slipped out of Remus's grasp. He stood and peeled his shirt from his chest. As the fabric slid away from his skin the toned nature of his chest was revealed, the shape of chiseled abs, and strong shoulders. Remus stared at him in wonderment, he even reached for his groin and gently stroked the saliva coated member. He continued with the self-pleasure as his eyes followed the shape of Sirius's body disappearing into the single bedroom.

Remus groaned when he was out of sight, and thought seriously for several moments about yelling at Sirius for leaving him in the lurch. His body felt like it was ready to explode. He closed his eyes and imagined Sirius's head moving up and down on him, his hand slowly stroking the length of his extended member. Remus sighed heavily.

"Uh-huh, Moony." He heard a singing voice call from behind him.

Remus looked back to the bedroom door, peeking out of it was Sirius, dark eyes gleaming and black hair hanging haphazardly in his face. Sirius's hand came out of the partially opened door and beckoned Remus closer. Obediently Remus got to his feet, tripping over himself as he kicked his shoes, trousers and under clothes off his lower body. He paused when Sirius stepped back, letting the door swing open to reveal him. Sirius was nude, standing expectantly in the doorway, and he was hard. Remus tore his shirt over his head, he heard the fibers of the fabric tear and give reluctantly as he hurriedly pulled it off his body. He rushed forward and collided with Sirius, barely having time to catch his breath before he was kissing him.

Both men fell backwards onto the rickety bed they often shared, it made an awful wrenching noise as the weight of them landed on it. Sirius slipped his fingers through Remus's hair, stroking it as he kissed him, letting his nude body take in every sensation of feeling Remus pressed against him. His mouth opened for him and let the werewolf's tongue slide in and out, his stiff groin jumped in Remus's hand when it touched him. Deep in Sirius's throat he groined as Remus stroked him, gently, tenderly even.

Sirius hooked his legs through Remus's and used his superior weight and height to roll the pair of them over. Once again between Remus's thighs Sirius's weight rested either man's groin against the other. He leaned down, kissing Remus's neck and down over his collarbone, he trailed sloppy kisses down Remus's chest. When his lips closed on a nipple Remus made a pitiful noise in his throat. Blindly Sirius's hand rumbled on the nightstand until it found the familiar shape and feel of a specific bottle. He rose up, resting his rear back on his heels with knees bent and keeping Remus's legs parted.

Sirius applied a liberal amount of the lubricant to his fingers and slid them down over Remus's groin. Remus watched Sirius careful, shuddering when the slick fingers slid over his hard on. He hissed when he felt one wet finger slide inside of him, his eyes closing briefly. Sirius drew his hand back and used the left over lubricant to coat his own raging hard on. He leaned forward slowly, holding the base of his member with the slick hand, and resting the other on Remus's thigh to remain stabilized. He pushed himself inside Remus, slowly at first. The first motion eased his head inside, and than slowly as both men panted and groaned Sirius eased the rest of his girth into his lover.

Sirius let his weight come forward and his body stretch out atop Remus. Face to face with him, Sirius hovered above the other, studying his features. His hips slowly moved in and out of Remus, pushing and pulling with long, slow strokes. Sirius's slick hand slid up Remus's body leaving a trail behind and pulled his hand above his head again, entwining their fingers once more. Remus closed his eyes breifly, taking deep breaths to keep himself calm and to keep from coming too soon.

"You're beautiful." Sirius said unexpectedly. His words were heavy, deep and quiet. Sirius stared down at Remus, and Remus looked back, both men watching the other's eyes for several long moments. Sirius slowly smiled, letting his signature crocked grin show on his face and put that maniacal gleam in his deep eyes.

"I love you." Remus said it before he could stop himself. He limited his confessions, because the words were never returned to him, but as he felt his stomach churn and his body climb higher towards its climax he couldn't help himself.

Sirius kissed him, slowly letting his tongue mimic the dance his hips did with Remus's. When he pulled away from the kiss it was to lean farther forward and whisper into Remus's ear. "Let go, Remus, I'll catch you."

Remus's hand tightened around Sirius's, digging his nails into the back of the other's hand. And he felt himself come, he made a noise some where between an exclaiming scream and a satisfied groan. He shot hot come from his groin and the liquid greased both men's bellies as they rubbed against one another. Remus had stopped breathing and could only take air into his lungs and not out, the wind was out of him as he heard Sirius's low moan against his ear. The sweat that dripped down Sirius's brow, and rubbed against Remus's cheek over powered the hot breath of the man. Sirius came inside Remus a moment later, his knees scrambling to push him deeper inside of the other. Remus's free hand held as tightly to Sirius's tense shoulders as he could. When Sirius finally went slack above him, and let the whole of his weight press down Remus took a deep gasping breath.

Sirius slowly unwound his fingers from Remus's and rolled his body to one side. His back pressed against the bed and his body prickled with the cool air that could now caress it. He panted, and focused on trying to get his breath to come back to him. Sirius found Remus's hand lying limply at his side, and slide his fingers around it. Remus squeezed back.

Both men were still for several minutes, breathing in the silence around them. Remus moved closer eventually, rolling his body so he could put an arm across Sirius's chest and his head on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius reflexively wrapped both arms around Remus, drawing him as close as he could. Remus's amber eyes closed and he let out a long sigh.

"What was your revelation?" Sirius said, breaking the silence that had been perfect around them. Sirius wasn't sure how much time had slipped since he'd spoken.

"What?" Remus asked sleepily. "Oh, yes. I know what I want to do with my life, what career I want."

"Oh?" Sirius said arching a brow. He shifted and let his chin rest atop Remus's head.

"I'm going to be a teacher."

"Ha!" Sirius scoffed, and then regained himself taking a deep breath. "Don't you have to have been a goody goody in school to become a teacher?"

"I was good in school, it was you and James who were always in trouble." Remus said in his own defense.

"You always followed suit." Sirius reminded him.

"You always asked me to, I'd go any where you asked me to go, Sirius."

"And I'll always be there to catch you." Sirius ran his fingers lightly up and down Remus's bare arm. Remus shivered and snuggled up closer to him. After another long moment, Sirius said: "What the devil kind of teacher are you going to make? What are you going to do when a kid has a problem with an assignment? Give them chocolate?"

Remus dug a knuckle into Sirius's side and tried not to join Sirius in his snickering. "Don't be such a bastard, Sirius."

"Professor" Sirius said mockingly. "I don't understand the homework." Sirius switched the depth of his voice and made a horrible impression of Remus. "Here, boy, have a piece of chocolate everything will be alright." Sirius broke into a fit of laughter.

Remus snorted and turned away from Sirius, breaking free of the man's hold he rolled to his opposite side leaving his back to Sirius. "Bastard." He muttered.

Sirius turned and pounced on him, wrapping his arms around Remus's nude shoulders and pulling the man closer to him. Sirius gently bit down on Remus's shoulder and kissed it afterwards.

"Oh no, Professor, please don't give me detention. I can't afford to have any more bad marks this term!" Sirius let his voice be high and mocking.

Remus couldn't help laughing.

**The End.**


End file.
